The End of an Exciting Year!

Hi guys!

So we've all weathered the holidays ... hope yours was great. I had a wonderful Christmas because my mother, who is in a nursing home and has been bed ridden for many years and hasn't been able to join us for the holidays, was with us at my house this year. The Orange County Fire & Rescue department had a special program called "Home for the Holidays" in which they will transport - at no cost - your loved one from their nursing home to your home for Christmas. My mom is such a happy little spirit and we all loved having her with us. So that made it really special.

Plus, I got a new bike! In one of my earliest posts, I listed some of the things I wanted to do when I lost weight, and riding a bike was one of those. Rudy surprised me with a beach cruiser bike, and we took it to the beach this weekend and I rode it on the beach - so fun! My legs were a little sore from riding it on the sand, and I definitely got more cardio action from it then my walks I take every week. I fell back in love with bike-riding (not to be confused with "cycling", which I have no interest in - the serious helmet-bike shorts-pedaling fast for miles and miles type of cycling) when Rudy and I were vacationing in Key West for my birthday in December. Instead of driving around, we rented bikes and rode all over the island the whole time - it was awesome!

Wow ... what a year for me. It's been over 2 months since I last wrote, and I've continued to make progress with the weight loss and feel better than ever.

Let's do a new update, at 9 months post-surgery:

Original pounds to lose: 150 lbs.

Pounds lost so far: 125 lbs.

Pounds left to lose: 25 lbs.

And another update:

Starting size - pants: 26W

Current size - pants: 12

Starting size - tops: 22

Current size - tops: Small or size 8

This has really been an amazing journey and it will obviously continue. I look forward to seeing what the new year will bring. So, in looking back at the year, following are the things that spring to mind that I miss from my "previous life" and things that I LOVE in my new life:

Things I miss:

• Having a piece of toast or a bagel with a hot cup of coffee
• The sound of pouring a nice fizzy Diet Coke over ice and enjoying that little tingly taste
• Having a beer with friends after work or on the weekends with pizza or wings
• Being able to indulge my sweet tooth every now and then (remember, NO sugar for me anymore!)
• Lingering over a nice dinner at a restaurant with a good cup of coffee
• Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Being able to pig out on special occasions like Thanksgiving

But, more importantly, things I love now:

• Riding a bike
• Crossing my legs (yes, it's the simple things!)
• Being able to walk and talk without getting winded
• Wearing cute jeans
• Being comfortable sitting in seats, like at the arena, the movies, Bob Carr, etc.
• Actually wanting to walk around places
• Not having to ask for the seat-belt extender on an airplane
• Not having to worry about how tight a booth will be at a restaurant
• Not having claustrophobia rule where I stand, sit, etc.
• Tucking in shirts
• Walking by (instead of walking into!) Lane Bryant in a mall

There are so many other things, but I love having the feeling back of being attractive and confident. This is truly the best thing I've ever done for myself.

Oh, and one New Year's Resolution: Write in my blog weekly. :)

Milestones

SO sorry I haven't written in so long. Since my last post, I've reached a few milestones!

1) I passed the 100 lbs. lost biggie.


2) I just bought my first size 8 item.


Remember that my goal is to just be a size 8 ... not a certain weight, but a size. But before we celebrate too much, let's note that the size 8 item was a very cute denim Michael Kors jacket, NOT pants. As exciting as it was (and trust me, I was lovingly stroking the size 8 tag, and I'm considering "accidentally" wearing it inside out so the size shows), my real goal is to be able to wear size 8 pants. And it'll be a while for that.

I am now safely into size 14 pants, though. I absolutely can no longer shop in Lane Bryant or The Avenue for anything. Their smallest size, their tightest skinny jeans, now swim on me.

And THAT is exciting.

Ah, the joys of being able to go into your basic Ross or T.J. Maxx and browse through the "normal" sizes and find treasures galore. I'm still Cheapy McCheap when I buy stuff. For example, the aforementioned, much beloved Michael Kors jacket was from Burlington Coat Factory. Retail price tag: $149.50 Burlington price: $29.99 :)

I even bought a size 12 skirt at Kohls recently. It's so freakin' awesome to try something on and actually LIKE what I look like in the mirror.

Lately a couple of people have said to me that they assumed I didn't have much more to lose. As if. But one woman said that I only looked like I could lose about another 20 lbs. Now, I easily could lose another 40 or 50 and still look good (according to the charts, I could lose much more than that, but who goes by those hated charts any more??) but for someone to say that I don't LOOK like I could lose that much, that's a beautiful thing. The fact that I'm down to the point where people don't think I need to lose any more than 20 lbs .... wow.

I have one girlfriend who I actually confide my weight in. We had dinner the other night and she asked me what I weighed now. I told her -- and she said "You don't look like you weigh anywhere near that much." I've always weighed more than I look like I weigh, mostly because lots of it is in my thighs, which I can hide well with clothing.

But the reality is that I know what I weigh, and I know where I need to be to be truly healthy, and I'll get there.

I'm wondering when you stop losing. Does your body just know when it's at its optimum weight?
Okay, the stats:

Original lbs. to lose: 140 (although I'm thinking of revising this to 150)
Lbs. lost so far: 102
Lbs. left to lose: 38

Original size: 26 pants, 22 tops
Current size: 14 pants, Medium tops

Plus that 15 lbs. between January and the April surgery, so really 117 total!

No real issues with eating. Now that I've passed the 6 month mark, I can ease some starches back into my diet, but I'm not rushing out to do that. I still need to get enough protein in, and eating even the tiniest bit of rice, for example, fills me up too much and I can't eat the shrimp or beef or whatever I have with it. So a bite or two is it.

I need to try chicken again and see if I can digest it okay. Just don't wanna try it in public. :)

By the way, my 6 month check-up went well. I had to get blood work done the week before so they could make sure my levels of everything were fine, and the doctor said they were perfect. My cholesterol, my iron, everything was great. And oh, get a load of this. My initial BMI (body mass index) was 55.1. It is now 37.3. 30 is within the okay/normal range.

As far as how I feel, I've felt fantastic EXCEPT for some major constipation issues, which I will do you a favor and not share with you. :)

More soon, I promise!

No Longer the Queen of Craigslist?

New pic in front of our new townhouse. Rudy took this yesterday when we got back from the beach!

I'm noticing something interesting which, as I was telling Rudy, is indicative of how challenging and expensive it is for plus-size women to find cute stylish clothing.... Remember how I mentioned that I was posting lots of my clothes on www.craigslist.com as I was going down each size? The first was a lot of size 22-26's, then more 22's, then 20/22's, then 18/20's, etc. Now I'm down to 14's in pants (with the exception of some stores where I need a 16) and L's or M's in tops. (Exciting!)

So when I was posting lots of these clothes (not "lots" as in "gobs", but "lots" as in a bagful), minutes after I would post it I would get 4 or 5 emails saying they want to take the clothes. Over the next few days there would be probably 15-20 women calling and asking if I still had the clothes. I would literally have waiting lists - women I told I would call back when I had the next lot of size 18/20's, for example. I was indeed, as my subject line says, the Queen of Plus Size on Craigslist. Women loved my clothes because they were stylish and current and in good shape.

So a few days ago I posted one lot of size XL's and another lot of size L's. And holy crap... first of all, I only got 4 replies total. Secondly, they were asking all these questions ... "What material is the skirt made of?" "Can I buy individual pieces from the lot if I don't want them all?" "How much are you asking for just the red baby doll top?" "I live really far away - can you meet me halfway?"

Jeez.

So these "regular size" women are picky little bee-yotches. The plus-size women were just so grateful to have a way to buy cute clothes inexpensively ... but now I'm serving a whole difference audience, and they are pissing me off. :)

But this does say something about plus-size clothing. Mr. Clothing Manufacturer, make them more stylish. Make them easier to find. And most of all, make them cheaper! There is a real opportunity to serve this market - the younger woman who may be heavy but really cares about how she dresses and presents herself. And we're not going to find those clothes at Catherine's, for God sakes.

Some stores and designers are getting it. Sarah Jessica Parker, who I've already praised in a previous post, has her Bitten line (all items are priced under $20) and the sizes goes up to 20. Another great store for plus sizes is Marianne, which is divided literally in half - go to the right and you are in plus sizes and go to the left and it's sizes up to 14. And they have the same styles in both sizes. The prices are right, too. Check it out - www.mariannestores.com
They say that they are "stylish clothes for the Latina woman", and the flagship store was in San Juan, Puerto Rico. So good to know that the Latin culture recognizes that women with some meat on their bones want to dress well too.

Sure, some designers like Dana Buchman and Ellen Tracy are making plus size clothing. But if you look at what they make - A) it looks like a age 50+ woman would wear most of it and B) it's ridiculously expensive - MORE expensive than her regular line. A Dana Buchman nylon top? List price $195. A Dana Buchman "Boho vibe silk skirt"? $315 Her denim jacket? $400.

Do you know many (or ANY?) women who regularly pay those prices for clothes? If you do, then you travel in a different crowd than I do. (And if you do, can we hang out sometime?)

So I say You go, Ms. Sarah Jessica Parker! Go, Old Navy! Go, Target! Go, Marianne! Even Lane Bryant ... keep putting out plus size clothing that women who were born after Nixon resigned can actually wear.

Okee dokee, new update!

Original pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost so far: 87
Pounds left to lose: 53

AND ... this is super exciting ... remember how I had lost 15 lbs. a few months before the surgery? So that means that I've now lost over 100 pounds in all- 102 to be exact!!!

Go, me! :)

Strangers are noticing?!

These pictures are from Danny's 18th birthday party. I like them - it was nice to not try and hide from the camera or place myself behind someone to hide some of my body. The first pic is me with my two handsome sons, Danny, the reluctant birthday boy (he hates being the center of attention), Tony and his longtime, wonderful girlfriend (and hopefully my future daughter-in-law), Melanie. The second one - and I'm guessing you can probably figure this out - is Tony, Melanie, Rudy and me.

So now it's Sunday night, we just got back from St. Pete Beach, Rudy fell asleep on the couch watching some boring thing on History Channel, Rocco is curled up with him, and I'm exhausted.

Two weekends in a row Rudy has gotten tickets to a baseball game for one of his teams - The San Francisco Giants and the Oakland A's. Last weekend we spent in West Palm Beach and saw a game at the Dolphin's Stadium in Miami and this weekend he had tickets to a game at Tropicana Field, which is in St. Pete. They unspoken deal we have is that if I have to go to a baseball game, then I also get to go to the beach. We've had a lot of fun. But it is tiring going out of town two weekends in a row.

Today, sitting at the Hurricane Grill on Pass-A-Grille beach (which is an awesome little place, just past the Don Cesar Hotel on the end of St. Pete Beach) and eating my peel-and-eat shrimp (they were delish!) I looked over at a guy eating and I told Rudy that there are a few visuals related to food that I think of wistfully and still kind of make my mouth water.

One: a person picking up a french fry (preferably crinkle cut - my favorite) and dipping it into ketchup and putting it in their mouth.

Two: A person cutting a corner slice of cake with lots of sickening sweet bakery frosting and sticking their fork into it to take a bite

Three: This is a visual and a sound - a person opening a can of Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper and pouring it into a frosty glass with ice ... the way the ice crackles and you can hear and see the sizzle of the carbonation in the glass.

Honestly, it's not like I constantly am thinking about food, or feel sorry for myself that I can't have these things, or really obsess about it at all. I like the food I'm eating, and I'm very satisfied. But those things I will probably never eat/drink again (well, I might have a fry or two after I can have carbs again), so the visual does kind of get to me.

The other day in The Avenue (a plus-size shop, for you average-sized readers who might not be familiar with it. :)) I had a cool experience. I needed new crop jeans because my size 20's were literally falling off of me - and when I say literally, I mean it - they fell down when I was walking through the living room! So I went to The Avenue and grabbed a few pairs of 18's. And tried them on. And they were all too big! So I went out and got the same pants in 16's. And - get this - THEY were pretty loose too! And I know that, if anything, I need to buy pants a little snug right now so they'll fit longer, so I thought - it can't be - could I really wear 14's??? So I gingerly went out and picked the 14's off the rack. And glory be -- they fit beautifully!! It's been about 10 years since I've worn 14's. I bought a pair of black crop pants and a pair of jeans.

At the register, the clerk asked me if I wanted to open an Avenue account. And I told her - well, actually, I had a gastric bypass, and as much as I like your store, I'm hoping I won't have to shop here much longer. She said "I THOUGHT you looked like you'd lost a lot of weight!" (I've been shopping there for a long time). So that started a whole conversation with her and the other clerk about the surgery (they were both big girls and had wondered about it). I told them that I was a size 26 before the surgery and now I am buying 14's in pants, and their shirts are all too big for me. Then a customer overheard us and she came over and said that she had also had the surgery about 3 months ago and she was down from a size 30 to a size 22. (Again, for you thin ones - that's 5 sizes smaller - 30, 28, 26, 24, 22). She was thrilled with how she felt and then we started talking about whether we'll have to have plastic surgery and how we were getting along and it turns out we got it done at the same place!

It's interesting how just mentioning this opens up conversations because big or small, people are fascinated with it. U.S. Bariatric gives all their patients this medical card to carry with you that has medical info for paramedics on one side and on the other side it says this:

SPECIAL DIET REQUEST The owner of this card has had weight loss surgery, which has reduced his/her stomach capacity to less than 3 ounces. Please allow him/her to order a smaller portion or make a selection from the children's menu. Thank you for your cooperation.

Cool, huh? I've only pulled it out a few times, but it has come in handy. Last weekend we went with our friends to a Japanese Steak House - you know, those places with the chef who does all the wacky stuff with the food, flipping it on to your plate and making corny jokes and building an onion volcano and stuff like that - anyway, they're pretty expensive, so I asked if I could get the children's shrimp dinner and bashfully showed them my card and they said sure.

I'm kinda skiddish to pull out the card because for some reason I feel a little strange about it, but so far it's been fine. I don't use it most of the time, though, because if you think about it, what foods are on the children's menu? Chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, hot dogs, burgers, pizza ... not exactly the healthiest of choices. But at a place like the Japanese steak house or a breakfast place where it's basically the same food, just smaller portions, then it's perfect.

One more cool encounter before I give you the update - Rudy and I go into this 7-11 almost every Sunday on our way to the beach, and I guess we hadn't been for awhile, so one Saturday I stopped in to pick something up. I was wearing (my new size 14) crop jeans and a close-fitting tank top. So the woman at the register (I know this sounds awful, but I don't even know that I've ever noticed her) said "Oooh, girl! How much weight have you lost?!?!?" I was like, wow, thanks for noticing, and she said how could she not notice - I looked like a different person, she hardly recognized me - and I gotta tell ya - that felt REALLY good.

REALLY good. :)

Okee dokee, here's the update at 20 weeks post-surgery:

Original pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost so far: 83
Pounds left to lose: 57

I've had a couple of small plateaus lately - when I had lost 75 I plateaued for a while, then at 80 it did again. But now it seems to be on the move!

A New Milestone (and New Clothes!)

Howdy. I'm doing great! I am now at 16 weeks post-op, and I've reached a really cool milestone. I've now hit the mid-way point ... I've lost the same amount of weight that I have left to lose.

Here's my new update:

Original pounds to lose: 140

Pounds lost so far: 70

Pounds left to lose: 70

Cool, huh??

On my last doctor's appt., I had two things that I needed to work on. More fluids, and being more vigilant about having dairy twice a day. And I've really stepped it up since then on both counts. The fluids thing is really about remembering to have something to drink with me at all times. Like right now I just finished my iced tea, and I have a water in the fridge, but I need to get up and go get it. Plus I have to pee really badly, so the water doesn't seem that tempting right now.

The dairy isn't that hard - I really love milk (it has to be skim, but it's easy to get used to skim milk if you drink it enough) so I've been pouring myself a glass as soon as I get home and I take my vitamins with the milk. There's only two things that count as dairy in U.S. Bariatric World - yogurt and skim milk. And I get sick of yogurt really easily. But I can do the milk, so I've been concentrating on that more. Apparently calcium is super important to weight loss. Guess all those "Got Milk" commercials saying that is not just a bunch of crap.

Hmm, haven't checked out the Walmart fashion lately - maybe I should stop by there on my way home from the office tonight. :)

Hey, I found another really cool cheap source of clothes! And you would ALL love this! Sarah Jessica Parker has a new line of clothes out called Bitten SJP, and everything in the line is under $20!! It's sold exclusively at Steve and Barry's, and luckily they have one in Orlando, but if you're somewhere they don't have a Steve and Barry's you can find a lot of the line on eBay. OMG, the stuff is adorable. Most tops are $9.98 or $12.98 ... jewelry is $5.98 ... sunglasses are 9.98, purses are $9.98 ... even dresses and really cute denim jackets are $20 or under. You MUST check it out. I was in heaven wandering around the store on Friday night, and bought like 7 or 8 items and the total was around $70. Plus Rudy was with me and he was happy because Steve and Barry's has a lot of college t-shirts and athletic wear for guys, so they're kept occupied and out of your hair. :) Here's the site: http://www.bittensjp.com/ I bought the dress and top in these pics, except I bought the top in purple.

And the other cool thing was that even though the sizes go up to XXL and even size 20, I bought all XL's and L's. However, since little miss SJ Parker has such a tiny little ass on her, I found the pants run small. The same size I wear in all other stores were too tight for me in her line. But that's okay - I bought a size 16 skirt so I was happy about that.

So glad to be out of the sizes that start with 20... :)

Some quick pics!

We just got some pictures developed, and it was like 2 years worth of pictures. There were trips from San Fran in 2005 and in 2006, Boston, Savannah, and most recently Philly last month. So there were all different sizes of me. And if there was any doubt in my mind whether my weight loss is noticable, these pictures laid that to rest. Thought you'd enjoy seeing a bit of contrast:

Danny and I in San Fran 2006 (77 lbs heavier):


And in Philly last month (about 22 lbs.heavier than I am today)


Yay!

How Low can I Go? (And I'm Not Talking Weight)

So I've got my own little industry going now, posting my clothes on craigslist that are getting too big for me. I've sold a few bags of them 3 different times now, and every time that I post them, within an hour I have like 20 emails from people wanting to take them. I've sold them in lots (each lot is like 2 or 3 bags full) and each lot for $25. It's definitely a great deal for the women buying them, because they're super cute clothes, but it's great for me too, to clean out my closet. And to make room for more! I have one woman who has bought from me two times, because she loved the first batch so much, so when she saw my next posting she was thrilled and wrote me right away.

If you have never discovered www.craigslist.org, by the way, it's awesome. It's better than ebay to me because it's local. Ebay is wonderful, and I do kind of have an unhealthy addiction to it. :) But with craigslist you can have someone just pick up what you're selling and not have to deal with shipping it and all that crap. We just sold most of the furniture in our garage that we weren't using - I listed it all on Craigslist and in one day we had someone here buying it all. So I guess craigslist is the eBay for immediate gratification junkies.

So let's talk about clothes now. I am having so much fun buying smaller and smaller sizes. I've gone from a size 26 to a size 18 pants, and in tops and dresses from a 22/24 to just a regular L or XL. I bought a dress at Kohl's this weekend that was a large!! Not a plus size. Not even an extra-large. Just a regular old size large. Like a normal sized person. You have no idea how thrilling that was to me.

But when I buy something - especially pants and skirts - they only fit me for a few weeks. So I don't want to - and can't afford - to buy expensive clothes right now. I don't want to bond with a new favorite skirt or something and then have to kiss it goodbye and hand it off to one of my craigslist customers.

So my new kick is to find the cheapest place to buy clothes. A couple of months ago I discovered Dots, a store where everything is like $5, $10, or at the most $15. And the stuff is really cute for the most part! There are several stores in the Orlando area - they are one of those places you might have never noticed but I'm telling you, it's great!

And good ol' Old Navy and Target (pronounced the French way, of course) are always great for some reasonably priced stylin' clothes.

But I wanted to take it to a new level of cheapness. Someplace I would never have dreamed of buying clothes before. Reach a new personal best. Outdo myself with how cheaply I can buy cute clothes. But I have to remain stylish and trendy.

So I'm going to "out" myself and admit that I've found a new source. I'm gonna come right out and say it. Walmart. Yes, I have bought 2 pieces of clothing at the ultimate ugly corporate giant.

It happened by accident. My husband and I were at Walmart one night to buy a beach chair. And as we were passing by the women's clothing, I said to Rudy, "Oooh, that's actually a cute top." It was a long, empire waist tunic in red, with a really cute cut to it, nice material and I'd just seen one like it in Lucky magazine. :) And it was like $14.99. So after getting the beach chair, my husband had to go buy something in hardware, and I wandered over to the clothing section. And I found myself WANTING that top. And I noticed there were a few other cute tops there too. So I bought the red tunic and I felt kinda naughty.

Then the next day I went back and bought a pair of pinstriped black and white crop pants. From Walmart. For $16.99. And right now, writing this, I'm finding myself wondering whether I should go back and see what's the latest in Walmart fashion.

Don't you judge me.

http://orlando.craigslist.org/
www.dots.com
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5645865

So then, the next week, I went to Kmart. I figured if Walmart had cute clothes, then its ugly cousin Kmart must have adorable stuff too. Yeah, well .... not so much. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Very Your-55-year-old-Aunt-from-Indiana looking stuff. Even the Jacklyn Smith line (have you seen her lately? She's 61 and still gorgeous!!) looked like old-lady stuff. I did, however, find a couple of cute cotton nighties by Joe Boxer and got them. For like $7.99 each.

Even my nighties and underwear are way too big for me now. Yesssss!

I'll let you know about other bargains I find. And if you know of any, please, please let me know. I love online shopping too, so please post a comment and give me the website!

I need to set a new personal best in cheapness. And where can I really go down from Walmart???

Okay, new update - at just 3 months post-surgery:

Original pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost so far: 64
Pounds left to lose: 76

Plus the 15 lbs. before the surgery, so 79 total!

McNuggets and Me

I started my new job on June 4th, and that's been pretty all-consuming so I haven't written in a while, and this is going to be a quick one too. I really like my new gig, but I'm in major learning mode so I'm a bit humbled right now. Which is probably good for me. :)

I'm feeling really good. It might be all the vitamins or calcium or it might be the exercise or it might be the fact that I weigh so much less. It's probably a combination of all three, but I feel great. Rudy and I went to Philly for his birthday weekend and we had SUCH a good time, and I was able to walk around the city for so much longer and farther than I ever would have been able to before. I move more quickly, too. I still have the short legs and the flat feet, so I'm never going to be a speed walker, but I'm not afraid to say, hey, let's walk from here. Because I know I can do it.

I have to say that U.S. Bariatric really has this stuff down. Everything they've said would or might happen has, and everything they've said would be fine has been. I'm following their instructions almost to the letter. But there's a little fudging (mmm...I remember fudge...) here and there.

Here's a good example.

So I don't remember if I've written this before, but for some reason I can't digest chicken. At all. In any forms. And I only like white meat chicken, and that's the worst of all. I think it's because it's drier, and kinda stringy. Anyway, it's the texture with some foods that make patients post-surgery have trouble with them. Some people have a lot of trouble with beef. With me, it's chicken. And I really like chicken. Chicken wings. Grilled chicken on a big salad. Chicken parmigiana. Fried chicken. Chicken tenders. Sesame chicken from our local chinese take-out. Look at the typical menu in a restaurant and take out all the chicken items and you'd be amazed how your options are narrowed down.

So I've been jonesing for chicken. And one day I was going through the McDonald's drive-thru for my daily large unsweetened ice tea (which has replaced my daily Diet Coke), and I saw a sign for Chicken McNuggets.

Now everybody knows that Chicken McNuggets are processed chicken, and they blend white and dark meat, so the meat is softer and moister. Probably not THE most healthy option. But I wanted chicken, dammit. So I tried them one day. The smallest size they sell is a 6-piece. And you know that any of you reading this could scarf down a 6-piece McNugget even if you weren't hungry. Don't try and deny it. :)

So I got the ranch dressing to dip and tried one. I chewed and chewed and it felt good. And it went down well. And then I ate the next one. Yummy.

And then I was freakin' stuffed.

Two McNuggets and I was full! What kind of magic is this???? Anyway, that one 6-piece pack lasted me 2 meals, then my husband ate the last 2. Isn't that crazy?!

I know, I know, McNuggets are fried. It was an experiment. How many calories could possibly be in 2 McNuggets?? And it's definitely the all-important protein, so I don't feel bad at all.

Okay, the latest update:

Original pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost to date: 52
Pounds left to lose: 88

AND - Down 5 sizes, from a 26 to an 18.

And let's not forget that I had lost that 15 lbs. before the surgery, so 67 lbs. all together.

I sold a huge bunch of my clothes on CraigsList. I got SO many responses, so I've kept some of the contacts who wore 18 or 20's, and I told them I'd have some for them soon as that size got too big for me. And meanwhile I'm re-populating my closet with cute (albeit cheap) new clothes. Clothes that I don't get too attached to because they'll be too big for me in a few weeks.

This is freakin' awesome. :)

Endings and Beginnings

So Friday was my last day at MyMediaWorks. I'd been there for almost 3 years, so even though I'm excited about my new position and moving ahead and learning more in my career, it's always a little sad and scary to leave the familiar.

My friends had a great going-away lunch for me and Susan (my official blog photog), who was also leaving that day to move to a new department in the company. There were like 12 or 13 people there, and it was at a great little place downtown called Room 3-9.



It's weird to think of not driving downtown every day and walking into the building, going up to the 6th floor, etc. I will definitely miss everybody. They gave me a gift certificate to Kohl's for some new (smaller!) clothes!

Oh, and last Monday my son Danny graduated from high school! I was so proud. Danny's my baby and it really hit me that both my boys are now out of school. Wow. I don't really feel old when I think about it, though. Just accomplished. I remember back when they were both in elementary school, thinking - God, please just let me get them through school!! And now I have. :) And of course I cried during the ceremony. Here's the whole family:


Okay, so time for an update:

Original pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost so far: 42
Pounds left to lose: 98

Yay!!! Plus the 15 lbs. I lose before the surgery, so I've now lost 57 lbs. total.

Plus, down 3 pants sizes and 2 top sizes. I love how I feel in my clothes now. I've always been a confident person, but I can definitely feel my confidence increasing every day.

I really feel great. I think the vitamins really, really make a difference. I don't feel weak or tired or malnourished in any way. If anything, I feel stronger than ever.

Today was Memorial Day. Rudy and I went to Daytona Beach - my favorite beach, full of memories from my childhood - plus, it has the best people-watching of any beach, in my opinion. :) It was a beautiful day. When we first got there, Rudy went for a run, then when he got back I went for a 45 minute walk. It felt really good - I didn't used to be able to walk that long! My legs are a little sore tonight, but in a good way.

So towards the end of the day, I really, REALLY wanted a hamburger and/or hot dog. I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much of it, but I just wanted that flavor. It's Memorial Day - it's a tradition! So on the way home, we went to a burger place and Rudy bought me a small hamburger and a chili dog so I could have a taste of each. I pulled back the bun and bit into the burger and mmmmmm....it was so delicious!! I had 3 small bites of the burger and 2 bites of the hot dog (minus the bun) and I was full. And happy.

Wow, this is getting pretty easy. :)

Almost 6 wks Post-Surgery and Happy as a Clam!

Well, it's been 2 weeks since I last wrote and I feel SO much better about everything. I'm feeling stronger - probably because of all the vitamins I'm on, and even my nails seem stronger. That's probably due to the huge amounts of calcium I'm taking.

You know, I'm really not missing starches THAT much. I'm getting so full with the protein and the fruit or veggie that I'm can't even imagine eating starches. But that damn Domino's Brooklyn Style pizza commercial, where the lady folds it in half to take a bite ... that still makes me crazy every time. I definitely think pizza will be the first starch that I eat when my 6 months of no starches is up. :)

That, and I also really miss peanut butter, which for some reason you can't have for 6 months either. No pb, no nuts, and no beans. Those things are all so high in protein that seems strange to me, but who am I to question what they've finessed after all these successful patients they've treated? I'm just going to do what they say and hope for the best!

I joined Planet Fitness this week. I have a appointment with a personal trainer on Saturday morning so he can suggest a work-out plan for me. Jeez, I've worked out on and off for so many years that I know this stuff backwards and forward, and I think this young buck thinks he's going to tell me a whole bunch of things I've never heard before, but what the hell, it's a free consultation. Mostly I just need to learn how to work the machines because these are a little different than my last couple of gyms.

That's what's funny to me ... people always think fat people don't know how to eat right or work out ... when most of us know more about diet and nutrition and exercise than most people of normal weight. We have learned it OVER and OVER and OVER again, and done it OVER and OVER and OVER again.

We've done Atkins, the South Beach diet, the Cabbage Soup diet, Nutrisystems, Jenny Craig, Transformations, the Zone, the grapefruit diet, Slim-fast, Medifast, Dexatrim, low-fat, low-carb, low GI ... most of us have tried it all.

We've done cardio and walking and treadmills and ellipticals and strength training and free weights and Nautilus and Curves and Billy's Bootcamp and Jane Fonda workout tapes and Winsor Pilates until we want to drop.

And most of us have probably had more successful diets and lost more weight than most people of normal weight.

But whether it's genetics or a lack of consistency or what, we always gain it back. But we know this stuff. Like I know HOW to serve a tennis ball. Doesn't mean I can actually DO it.

So anyway, tomorrow I'm supposed to meet this little buff 20-something at 11 in the morning for him to show me what the magic workout formula will be for me. I did tell him that I just had gastric bypass and he said he's worked with gastric bypass patients before, so maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised and he will give me some good tips. I just want to get back to getting some regular exercise beyond walking. And I'm really looking forward to the strength training. I always enjoyed that, and I'm concerned about keeping my arms as strong as possible to MAYBE avoid too much saggy-ness when I lose a lot more weight.

So......the new totals..... at 5 1/2 weeks post-surgery:

Original lbs. to lose: 140
Pounds lost so far: 35
Pounds left to lose: 105

I'm getting psyched because I'm really starting to feel it come off. My clothes seem to be getting looser every day and I'm loving it!!

I'm down 2 sizes in pants and skirts and 2 sizes in tops! I'm now in the smallest size top that Lane Bryant sells. :)

Oh, and last time when I was concerned about the plateau I reached when I had lost 25 lbs. ... well, I went to my regular appt. with the surgeon around that time and he read me some of my numbers ... even though I had been stuck at 25 lbs. for about a week, he pointed out that since my appointment only 2 weeks prior, my fat composition (the percentage of my body that is fat) went from 52% to 45%. AND, at the same time, the amount of weight that is muscle in my body went from 129 lbs. to 143 lbs. So I'm literally losing fat and gaining muscle! Isn't that awesome??! So that made me okay with the plateau for awhile.

I'm on my way!!!

Lunchtime Challenges

Just a quick entry to put in my latest pic taken today at my office.

These flowers in the picture are from my friends Sarah and Brian. They are so cool looking - they're Star of Bethlehem, which I've never heard of before.

Since I was stuck at the 25 lb. loss for this past week, I decided I'm not going to weigh myself until my doctor's appointment, which is tomorrow. And then if I'm still at this plateau, I'll ask the doctor if there's anything he can suggest that might help things along.

I know it'll start back up, but I guess I'm impatient ....

So I went out to lunch at Toojays (one of my favorite places) on Wednesday and let's just say it was less than successful. I ordered a cup of chili, which went down well. I didn't eat it all, and picked out the beans, but it was great. And since I'm supposed to have a veggie or fruit with it, I ordered a side of broccoli. So the server brought it out and it was just barely steamed - you know, like they do in fancy-schmancy restaurants. I asked him to bring it back to the kitchen and ask them to cook it quite a bit more, that it needs to be soft. He brings it out again. I can't even tell a difference from the previous time. So then I pull out the "I had surgery and need soft foods" card. "Tell them to cook the hell out of it," I told him. So when he brought it out the third time it was still firm, but I decided what the hell, I'll just chop it up really small. Plus it was dry. So I ate about an ounce of it, but after I finished I sat there and thought ... holy crap, this damn broccoli is going to come back up. So I went to the bathroom and sure enough, it came right back up. Not to be gross, but it wasn't like when you throw up and it's all drama and retching and sourness from the stomach. No, this was literally like - okay, no more space, this food isn't going to fit - and it just quietly came back up.

It wasn't terrible, but it did make me nervous. Like when you almost get into an accident and then you drive like ridiculously carefully for the next couple of days, you know? I've been chewing everything like 150 times before I swallow since then.

But now I don't know if I can't tolerate broccoli, or if I ate too much of it, or because it wasn't cooked enough. All I know is I won't be eating broccoli again anytime soon. :)

So maybe I'm not ready to go out to lunch yet. I think I'll stick with my little tiny Gladware lunches from home for now.

Feeling almost normal now...

I've heard that it takes about a month of doing the same thing every day to develop a habit. I'm on Day 21 since my surgery and I almost feel like my "new life" has become a comfortable habit to me.

Don't get me wrong - it's still a pain to crush my giant potassium pill and plead with it to blend into whatever I'm eating for breakfast ... and chewing the giant calcium and multi-vitamins - 4 in the morning and 4 in the evening - all that is still annoying ... but it's like it's an annoying part of my normal day and it doesn't seem as intrusive as it used to. Now it's just like one of those inevitables that accost all of us every day - like tolls or traffic or that annoying co-worker. Nothing I can't deal with, shrug my shoulders, and go on with my day.

But what I want to know is, why is everything so small for me now -- tiny little bowls, cute little 5 inch plates, little sippy cups, tiny little 1 oz. servings .... but the freakin' vitamins are like the size of a Krystal burger???

Can't someone make bariatric vitamins that are not so big they fill us up as much as a meal?

I feel MUCH better now, though. I feel healthy and not as tired and draggy. Just the past 3 days or so has made so much difference. And that makes me feel happier.

I tried a new recipe last night from my binder I got from the hospital ... turkey meatloaf. It had no breadcrumbs in it, so no starch (which I can't have until the 6 month mark). Instead you mixed mozzeralla cheese in with it, spices, and an egg, of course. It came out really good and I put some jazzed-up tomato puree over it and yummy! That 1.5 oz. of meatloaf (really funny how little that is!) was simply delish. I also sauteed some fresh spinach in some olive oil and garlic and I had a wonderful - albeit tiny - meal. And yes, I was full.

I'm finding that being creative and trying new things is what's keeping my spirits up and keeping me from missing food too much. As in everything in life, the key to keeping me happy and interested is using my creativity!

I am frustrated because for the last 4-5 days that I've stepped on the scale I've weighed the same! Here's the latest tally:

Initial pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost: 25
Pounds left to lose: 115

But I can't get past that 25-lbs. lost mark and it's starting to piss me off. :) I mean, it's not like I can really do anything differently ... I'm already following exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. In fact, if anything, I'm not eating ENOUGH -- sometimes I can't get in everything.

I think the key here is I need to stop weighing myself every single day. I'll try and weigh myself twice a week. If I can be that patient.

And I need to look at the big picture and realize that in 21 days I've lost 25 lbs., for God's sake.

I mean, I know the weight loss will eventually start back up again - but I got spoiled for a while seeing at least a 2-lb. loss every day.

And here's a question for everyone: What's more important ... the number on the scale or the clothes size you wear? We were discussing this the other day at work. For me, I want to be a size 10. I don't care what I weigh to get into a size 10, but that's what I want. For some people I guess it's a particular number they weighed in college or something, but for me it's a size. I imagine for men it might be a certain pants/jeans waist size. I'd be interested in your responses to that question.

Back to work........

Hmmm.... it's not even 2pm and I need a nap.

First, an update:

Original pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost so far: 23
Pounds left to lose: 117

I went back to work today and though it was great being back and seeing everybody, I feel very overwhelmed. It feels like everyone's talking too much and too loud and there are too many bright lights in the city and everything's moving so fast..... I've been in my little cocoon for 2 weeks with my little Maltese Rocco on my lap watching The View and Ellen and my world didn't go any farther than my new food processor and my loveseat. My big outings were taking Rocco for walks around the neighborhood twice a day. We've been walking a half a mile or more each time, twice a day, so that's been great. But a neighborhood during the day is very quiet - nothing like a busy downtown office building.

So here I am back at my desk trying to catch up on emails and work and phone messages and I'm wishing I had the luxury of working 1/2 days for the first couple of days back.

But whatever - I'm back and I'm sure I'll get back in the swing of things. It's been great talking to everybody - lots of people have questions and are asking how I'm feeling and it makes me feel really great to hear people say they missed me.

Today we had a breakfast at a restaurant with one of our station representatives and I had to get up early enough to make myself a scrambled egg and puree it to bring with me. Not to mention crushing up my potassium pill, mixing it in with my applesauce, and packing all my "supplies" to bring to work for the week. So that kinda sucked - sitting at breakfast watching everyone eat these great breakfasts but having to pull out my little mini-Gladware with my breakfast. But actually it's not that bad because I'm not hungry so it's not like I could eat what they had anyway.

But here's the two things that are getting to me so far:

Domino's has this commercial out right now for their Brooklyn Style Pizza -- you know the kind of pizza that is really thin and floppy and you have to fold it to eat it ... mmmmm.... well, it's hard to explain, but the visuals of that pizza are making me crazy. It's not like if it was in front of me I would be able to take more than 2 bites without getting full, but it's a visual thing, I guess.

The other thing is yesterday my mom asked if I could bring her some Buffalo wings for dinner. So I ordered them for her and for Rudy and went and picked them up and brought them to her. Watching her eat them was hard - not torturous - but a little tough. Because Buffalo wings are one of my favorite foods, and there's no way I could have even gotten a bite down if I wanted to. The smell was fantastic, though.

So visuals and smells are still getting to me, even though I don't really want the food. I guess it's like a married man checking out a gorgeous woman - he knows he can't do anything about it, but he still appreciates the aesthetics. :)

I'll try and post a photo early this week. I can tell that I've lost 23 lbs., because my clothes are looser and I can see it in my face and neck, but I don't think anyone else can tell. That's understandable, and not really frustrating yet. But if I've lost like 40 and people still can't tell, then I'll be pissed. :)

So don't expect to be able to see any difference in these next few photos. Just want to make sure I keep the blog interesting with pics.

Thanks for reading!

Words of Wisdom

Wow, this is amazing.

It's Tuesday, 8 days since my surgery, and I've already lost 20 lbs.!!

So now we can start our countdown:

Original pounds to lose: 140
Pounds lost: 20
Pounds left to lose: 120

Here I go .. hang on for the ride!

Today I was just reading something that this great girl at work gave me - her name is Jamie and she had the surgery 2 years ago and she's lost about 125 lbs. She's been a great support to me - we went to lunch when I was making my decision about whether to have the surgery and she told me everything to expect - good AND bad. It was great because she shared her pictures throughout her weight loss and it really inspired me. She's a size 10 now, which is what I want to be.

Anyway, on my last day at work she wrote this "86 Reasons Why Gastric Bypass Was the Best Decision of my Life" - they were just simple things that she has enjoyed with the weight loss. Here's some of the ones I can relate to the most. I'm sure anyone who's very overweight can relate to some of these. They are right on target:

• Not being limited to only shopping at plus-size stores
  
• No more secret scale numbers
• Can wear shoes for more than an hour without pain
• No longer afraid to see old friends
• I have a lap!
• Can sit cross-legged on the floor
• Can use an airplane seat belt without an extension
• Can fit in a turnstile without turning sideways
• Can fit into a restaurant booth without having a "shelf" over the table
• Can fit comfortably into movie theater seats
• I can cross one leg over the other when seated
• I love having my picture taken!
• I have to come up with a "NEW" New Years resolution!
• BYE BYE LANE BRYANT!!
• HELLO VICTORIA'S SECRET!!

I know those of you who are reading this and are of normal weight can't relate to any of these, but maybe it can help you put yourself in the position of an overweight person and get an idea of all the little crap that we live with and secretly hate.

And it's all stuff you take for granted, isn't it? Stuff that you don't even think about, and yet as an overweight person I have had some of these constant worries for years ... When I walk into a restaurant, will I fit into the booth comfortably? When I go to an Orlando Magic game or a concert at the Amway Arena, will I get stuck in the turn-stile? How am I going to ask the flight attendant for the seatbelt extension without calling attention to myself?

I will be SO happy as some of these things become non-issues for me.

Today I went out into the "real world" -- a girlfriend came and took me to Starbucks and I had a tall (bye bye Grande!) decaf tea and it was great to just sit there and talk and have actual clothes and make-up on. :) But after a couple of hours of being out, boy was I tired.

Told my mom on Easter Sunday. She was good about it, but she said "Good, I'm glad I didn't know until after the surgery!" I know my mommy, dammit! :)

Oh, funny thing about Easter - we went to my brothers house and they had a great spread out to eat - all the stuff our family usually has for Easter - a Honey-Baked Ham, my sister's amazing baked beans, potato salad, rolls, cheeses, lemon cake, this chocolate cake that looked heavenly, and of course lots of Easter candy everywhere.

So here was what I brought for my dinner:

• 1 1/2 oz. pureed ham salad (I pureed some ham pieces with light mayo & mustard)
• The inside (yolk mixture) of a deviled egg

And I was full. Freaky, huh?

It was fine - it's not like I really want any of the "real" food, because I'm not hungry. So I was happy just to be there and laughing with everyone and knowing the surgery was behind me.

I'm home and kinda pitiful... :)

Well, the surgery was on Monday. It went well, and I got home from the hospital on Wednesday evening. If I'd had a choice I'd have stayed another day, if only for the relatively good sleep I got in the recliner in the hospital room.

I've had 2 children, a hysterectomy, and a gall bladder removed, so I'm no newbie to surgery. But I'm not going to splenda-coat it, this one was tough. I know abdominal surgery is always a hard recovery, but I hate feeling so vulnerable and pathetic.

My days have become a great quest to find a comfortable position that doesn't make my abdomen hurt like hell. The first night I went to sleep in our bed, but woke up at 4am needing to pee. AND I was lying flat on my back, even though I had several pillows under my head. So I went to get up and I couldn't budge myself. I had no stomach muscles to push off with. Try getting up from a flat-on-your-back position without using any stomach muscles. Impossible.

So I tried rolling to the side and swinging my legs over, but I couldn't roll on my side because it was too sore. I literally laid there for an hour trying different ways to get up, whimpering and feeling sorry for myself. Then finally at 5am I reluctantly woke Rudy and asked him to help me get up. He hopped right up and was very nice about it, but what a pain in the ass to be woken up 1 hour before he has to get up to go to work anyway. But he was great. Anyway, I went out to the loveseat in the living room and built myself a nest with pillows and that has been my domicile ever since. I slept there last night and though I can't say it was comfortable, at least I can get myself up when I need to.

All I want to do is veg and doze, but there is so much to do!! I'm supposed to "ambulate" (walk!) several times a day, do my breathing exercises every hour into the little breathing thingy they gave me (to build your lung capacity back), do my leg and ankle exercises (to prevent blood clots), then in the morning I have to take my pepcid, my liquid multi-vitamin, crush up this giant potassium pill and mix it into applesauce, drink plenty of fluids (80 oz./day! I can barely swallow an ounce at a time), be sure to get all my pureed foods in, and drink my protein shakes.

The pureed foods are interesting. I ordered a cute little red mini-food processor online, and it was waiting for me when I got home from the hospital. My sister came and stayed with me for a few hours on Thursday, and she helped me get it set up and figure out how it works, and we pureed some things to get me started. My first pureed food was cottage cheese with some pears in it. Kinda tasty, actually.

Here's what I had on Thursday, my first day home:

• 1 oz. applesauce
• 1.5 oz. peach yogurt
• 1 vanilla protein shake
• 16 oz. decaf tea
• 1.5 oz. cottage cheese and pear puree
• dinner - 1.5 oz. lowfat ricotta and 1 oz. of a delicious tomato puree with italian seasonings that my sister had simmering for me all day
• At night Rudy cut up some strawberry-kiwi jello for me with some skim milk over it

I need to point out that it was TOUGH getting all this down. You should see what 1.5 oz. ricotta and 1 oz of tomato puree looks like on a plate. Like two little pitiful tiny scoops. But it was soooo filling and tasted like a great Italian meal to me.

Today I tried pureeing a scrambled egg and some lite cream cheese, and that was yummy. That was my dinner tonight, along with 1 oz. of applesauce. And I was more full than I used to feel eating a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

Just with that tiny bit of food, I am so stuffed I'm wondering if I shouldn't try eating all they say you're supposed to eat if it's too much for you. U.S. Bariatric provides you with a great nutritionist that you can email with questions - I'll have to ask her that.

I'm getting sore sitting at the computer desk, so I have to go back to my nest. I'll write more this weekend.

Twas The Night Before Surgery...

... and all through the house, I'm excited and nervous and clicking my mouse.

I thought it might be a good idea to write something tonight to calm me a bit. It's Sunday night, April 1st, and the surgery is tomorrow morning at 10am. My emotions are all over the place.

Last night I had a moment. I was alone in my bedroom, folding some clothes, and my husband Rudy was out in the living room on the computer. Suddenly I felt very, very scared. Very small and childlike and scared. I came out into the living room and looked at Rudy and said quietly, "I'm scared." And he got right up and hugged me and I started crying and crying. It lasted about an hour. Then I said to myself, "You're doing this, you're thrilled you're doing it, be brave and strong and determined and stop your freaking." So I did ... and with the exception of a few moments today, I have been fine.

Today Rudy was great. He really helped keep me calm and made me laugh when I'd otherwise be a wreck. We woke up, went to get a bagel for breakfast at Panera, then went to see a movie. I thought 2 hours of something funny and mindless might be a good idea, and it was. ALSO, it was my last hurrah with buttered popcorn for quite some time. :) We saw "Blades of Glory" with Will Farrell and Jon Heder and it was actually funnier than we thought it would be. I mean, two men figure skating sounded pretty stupid, but as I said to Rudy, Will Farrell has never failed to please, so we gave it a shot. And we laughed all the way through it. I recommend it!

Then we went to see my mother in the nursing home. My mother is 86 years old and a wonderful, intelligent woman. However, she has high blood pressure and worries a lot, so I've decided not to tell her I'm having gastric bypass until AFTER the surgery. That way she won't have to worry about the surgery itself. So I warned Rudy not to mention it to her, and we had a nice visit. I think Rudy might disagree about my not telling her, but he seemed to respect my decision.

Then we went for my "last meal". Since it's the day before surgery, I can't eat after 4pm. So at 3pm we went to one of my favorite restaurants, California Pizza Kitchen. I knew exactly what I was going to order. Rudy and I shared the chopped salad, which is simply delish - it has thin slices of salami, cheese, little cubes of turkey breast, and chick peas, and it's all chopped up really small and has a great dressing all tossed in. Some fresh pepper and parmesan cheese sprinkled on top - and it's salad heaven. Then Rudy got some chicken tortilla soup and I got these delicious Thai chicken tortilla rolls, and we had our feast.

I had a very clear moment when I had two pieces of the tortilla roll left. I looked down at my plate and said to Rudy, "This is the last solid food I'm going to eat for at least 2-3 weeks." Wow, that really hit me. So I stopped and savored those last two pieces. I stayed in the moment and enjoyed every bite. It struck me that in 6 months, these two little pieces might be more than I can eat at one time. Those two little pieces will probably fill me up.

So last bite done, plates cleared away, and we left to go to Publix to shop for my post-surgery foods. Cottage cheese, eggs, yogurt, cauliflower, bananas, broccoli, tomato puree, pears, peaches... I was walking through Publix with the binder they gave me in my pre-op class and making sure I got all foods that I can puree. I know I have to be creative so I can stay inspired!

Then when I got home, following my "night before surgery" preparation sheet, I drank my Magnesium Citrate. Grape flavored. A saline laxative. Uhhhh.....yuck. And now I'm having to keep leaving my blog, if you know what I mean. I guess they need your stomach - and everything - cleared out for the surgery. No problem here. :)

So now I'm going to try and relax, watch "Dexter" on Showtime (I heard it's great so we want to see it!) and maybe take one of the sleeping pills they prescribed for the night before surgery. I didn't think I needed it because I usually sleep pretty well, but I can tell I'm getting antsy and I might need it to bring me down a little.

So here's the deal ... I am NOT, repeat NOT, going to tell my weight in this blog. There might be too many people I know reading this, and while I'm a very open person, that's taking "open" a little too far.

So what we'll do as I go through this journey is I'll start with how much I have to lose. Now, I'd be happy anywhere between a weight loss of 125 to 150 lbs. So we'll say I want to lose 140. And we'll count down how much I've lost, and how much to go, with the weight loss of 140 as the goal. I might also share my BMI, but that's it. While I admire the people who are able to openly discuss their weight .... me, not so much. :)

Okay, it's time to get myself into relaxation mode and prepare for the beginning of what hopefully will be an amazing journey. I know it's going to be hard, but the thought of getting smaller and wearing smaller sizes and cuter clothes is so exciting to me that I know it's all going to be worth it. And feeling healthier and feeling lighter on my feet when I walk, being able to be more active ... oh man, this is what I've dreamed of for so long.

Okay, I'll write more when I get home from the hospital. I'm sure I'll have a lot to share.

Wish me luck.

Cyndy's Farewell Feast Tour draws to a close

Some "before" pics taken in my office my last day at work before surgery. Look at the great basket my co-workers gave me!








Wow, what an emotional day.

Today, Friday, was my last day at work before my surgery. My whole department was in a meeting and when the meeting ended, my boss came in with this big basket of stuff for me. Here's what was in it:

• Magazines to read in the hospital -- all my favorites -- Star, People, InStyle, Lucky
• A gift certificate to a Barnes & Noble
• Lotions
• A book of quotes and poems called "Promises to Myself"
• Protein drinks
• Sugar-free jello
• Chicken broth
• lip balm
• note pad that says "Live your life with passion and your heart will sing"
• a little movie trivia game
• a sleeping mask that says "Sleeping Diva"

And this awesome card that plays the song "I've Got a New Attitude"! And everybody wrote such nice things in it wishing me luck. I started crying as soon as I opened the card and I couldn't stop. I don't know why --- it just touched me so much that everyone was so excited for me and so supportive.

Friends are such wonderful creatures.

Anyway, all day long everyone was so sweet to me and keep coming up and talking to me and asking questions ... as word spread throughout the office there were more and more people wishing me luck. I feel such support from everyone around me - what a warm feeling.

So I got the big Italian dinner in from my food list - my husband and I went on Wednesday night and we shared an antipasto, and I had Rigatoni Bolognese and a glass of Chianti. It was delicioso!

Tonight we're going to the Mellow Mushroom for pizza. I forgot to put this on my list, but I have to have it once more before the "6 months with no starches" starts.

I gotta say, I couldn't eat like this every week -- this is crazy -- almost like aversion therapy. I'm full! Rudy (my hubby) calls this "Cyndy's Farewell Feast Tour". I'll remember it fondly. :)

Cyndy is Losing It

I'm doing it!
On Monday April 2nd I will be checking into the hospital and having a gastric bypass. I've wanted this for so long and it's finally happening. It's almost surreal. Will I really finally be on my way to being the hot girl I used to be? :)

Meet me: I'm a 45 year old who feels 30, and some days about 15. I work in advertising and love what I do. I'm funny, sarcastic, bright and nurturing. I love my friends dearly and I think they feel the same about me. I'm married to a funny, sarcastic, bright man who works in TV. I have a funny, sarcastic, bright 17-yr. old son who lives at home and will be graduating from high school this year. I also have a funny and bright (for some reason he's not sarcastic) 21-yr. old who just bought his first home - so needless to say I'm extremely proud of him.

I've never been thin, but I used to be about a size 12 and curvy, voluptuous and sexy. I loved how I looked. Then childbirth, then aging, and before I knew it I'd ambled right past curvy and chubby straight to fat. But I still saw myself as sexy, so when I walked by a mirror one day and caught a reflection of myself I thought - "Who the hell is that fat chick in my clothes??"

Time to do something about it, dammit.

So in January I went to the informational seminar that U.S. Bariatric has every Wednesday at Florida Hospital Celebration. It was very interesting and it got me very excited at the possibilities. What was so great was that not only did the surgeon give a great, compelling presentation, but then you just give them your insurance card and they do all the work for you, going to bat for you with your insurance company to try and get them to cover the surgery. They tell you to wait a couple of weeks to hear back from them.

I tried to not get my hopes up, but sure enough, in 2 weeks, I got a call from them telling me congratulations, I've been approved for coverage! Oh my God, I was so excited, but still wanted to make sure I had all the details. It seemed too good to be true.

So here I am, just 2 1/2 months later, and I'm getting ready to go in for the surgery in just 5 days. Wow.

Last Friday I had my "Pre-op Day" at the hospital. Had to take the whole day off from work and spent the day there, with lots of waiting, getting my physical, a metabolic test (big surprise, I have slow metabolism), and pre-registering with the hospital, but most importantly sitting through a 3-hour education class on how to eat, what to expect, etc. I was overwhelmed. Too much to absorb at one time. But they gave us all a big binder and I've been studying everything for the past few days and I guess I'm almost up-to-speed now.

I guess the first week is clear liquids only, then on to pureed foods for 2 weeks, then on to "soft solids". Mmmm, yummy.

Here's the things I remember for sure:

• No coffee for a month
• No starches like rice, pasta, bread, etc. for 6 MONTHS!!
• Sweets will likely make you sick (creates a sensation called dumping, which sounds awful)
• No more of my beloved Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper (carbonation = bad)
• You can't drink during a meal. This might be hard. You have to wait 1 hr. after you eat to take in any liquids.
• My stomach pouch will be about the size of my thumb

So then they tell you about the pre-op diet that you're supposed to go on. I'm listening thinking, uh, huh, yeah ... and I'm looking around at the other people in the class and they all have the same expression on their faces. Meanwhile I'm starting to think that I need to make a list of what I need to eat before the surgery. :)

For the last 20 years since I've struggled with my weight, so I have always worried about what I'm eating --- in a restaurant thinking I should really order the salad with grilled chicken ... or if I'm ordering the Chicken Finger Basket then I'm feeling guilty as hell. BUT THIS WEEK ... I'm eating whatever I want. A pre-op diet is simply not in the works. I'll be good the weekend before surgery. But now -- uh uh. Bring it on!

So what would you eat if you knew you were having this surgery and wouldn't be able to have starches or sweets for a long time?? Just what would your list include?

Here's mine. It's right here on my desk at work and I'm crossing through things as I eat them:

• Steak dinner
• Krystal burgers (if you're not from the south, these are like White Castle burgers - little yummy squares of heaven)
• Marble Slab or Cold Stone Creamery ice cream with Snickers bar mixed in
• A big ol' piece of cake
• A Snickers Ice Cream Bar
• French toast
• A big Italian meal
• Buffalo wings
• McDonald's Big Mac
• Mexican food
• Brownie
• Krispy Kreme doughnut
• A cheese bagel with cream cheese at the cafe downstairs in our office building

In the past 2 weeks I've worked my way through most of these. The big Italian meal is tonight, and I still haven't had the Krispy Kreme, but don't lose faith in me, I'll get it in. :)

I was at Target (my favorite store! Don't you love it?) this weekend and as always I went to the clothes section and found a cute shirt, then thought to myself - why would I buy any clothes now? I don't know what size I'll be in 2 months, so why invest in anything now?

They say you'll lose most of your weight in the first 6-8 months. I've got 125-150 lbs. to lose, so if I could lose half of that in 6 months I'd be in heaven!!

Okay, enough for now. 5 days to go!